WHAT IS CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE?
Child
sexual abuse is sexual contact between a child and adult
or an older child for the sexual gratification of the offender.
Sexual abuse refers to non-physical as well as physical contact. Physical contact may range from the handling of the child’s or the perpetrator’s genitals or breasts to oral sex to an attempt or actual penetration of the child’s vagina or rectum.
Non-physical contact may include a wide range of activity, such as forcing a child to look at the offender’s genitals, talking to a child in a sexually explicit manner, peeping at a child in the bath or while he/she is undressing (voyeurism) or exploiting a child through pornography or prostitution. Sexual abuse can range from forceable rape to gentle but unwanted touching.
IS FORCE ALWAYS A PART OF CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE?
Sexual abuse always involved some type of force. While
the word is often used to denote a physical attack, force in the case of
child sexual abuse may be of a much more subtle variety. It can be psychological
force, expressed through
Bribery, threats of harm against the child or someone or something precious
to the child, threatened withdrawal of love or threats of blaming the child.
It may simply be the exploitation of the child’s dependency and lack
of knowledge.
HOW DOES THE CHILD REACT TO SEXUAL ABUSE?
Often, the child may be physically injured by the abuse.
However, the
Psychological damage inflicted is far more painful and, ultimately, far
more damaging to the child. Abused children must juggle a number of conflicting
emotions. The most common psychological reactions are fear, confusion, anger,
shame, depression and lowered self-esteem, any or all of which may cause
serious problems later in life if not resolved.
Confusion… is usually the first reaction of the child who is being sexually abused. The child wonders, “Why is this happening to me? Is this okay? What is going on? What should I do? Will it happen again? Why do I feel so funny?”
Confusion is a natural response when something happens that one does not understand. Children cannot be expected to know how to respond to sexual abuse. Since the child is unable to understand, the abuser can easily take advantage of the child. Some confusion about the sexual abuse may remain with the child throughout his or her life. Therefore, it is helpful for the victim to learn as much as possible about the subject of child sexual abuse in order to decrease the amount of confusion she or he feels.
Many times victims of child sexual abuse worry about the wide range of conflicting emotions they feel. While such emotions are normal reactions to victimization, sorting them out and understanding them is difficult.
Anger…The victim may be angry at the abuser, at himself or herself, at the parents, or at anyone and everyone because of what has happened.
Fear…The victim of child sexual abuse is often burdened with a tremendous amount of fears. The child may fear that more harm will be done if the abuse is discovered. He or she may fear harm from the abuser or may fear that the abuser will harm someone or something that is precious to the child (especially if this has been threatened). The child may actually feel that she or he is protecting loved ones by not disclosing the abuse.
The child may also fear that he or she has been physically damaged by the abuse. Other fears the child may experience may include fear of being abused again, fear of talking to strangers about the situation, fear of family breakup and fear of losing the love or friendship of the abuser. The child may fear that she or he will be blamed for the abuse or may be frightened by the prospect of testifying in court, if charges are brought against the abuser.
Sometimes sexually abused children exhibit a general fearfulness without being able to identify the source of the fear. Fear and anxiety often stay with the victims of child sexual abuse for a long time – even after the abuse has stopped.
Guilt…Often the child who has been sexually victimized feels great guilt over the situation. It is therefore important to reiterate to the child that, no matter what happened, no matter what the child did or did not do, it is the abuser and not the child who is at fault.
The child may feel guilty if the abuser gave him or her special rewards or if the sexual experience was pleasurable. He or she may feel guilty for any positive feelings felt for the abuser or for bad feelings directed toward family members who were not helpful enough. The child may feel guilty because she or he did not try hard enough to stop the abuse or may feel that she or he did something to bring on the abuse.
Self-esteem…”self-esteem” refers to the sense of self-worth, the value a person places on himself or herself. Sometimes the offender intentionally undermines a child’s self-esteem by giving him negative information. Such negative messages may be expressed non-verbally or through such verbal comments as: “You’re no good. You’re bad and useless. You’re trash.”
The child who is continually told such things may come to believe them, and his or her behavior may deteriorate to reflect this negative self-image. In fact, the majority of abused children grow up thinking they are “bad.” The pain inflicted by the abuser is perceived by such children as proof that they are bad – otherwise, why would they be punished in this way?
It is extremely important for the primary caregiver in a child’s life (who is not the abuser) help the child victim learn to differentiate negative feelings about the abuse from negative feelings about the self. Reaffirming and rebuilding the child’s sense of self-worth are key tasks for the caregiver.
STAGES OF SEX PLAY
Parents often voice concern about what constitutes “normal” sex play and exploration among children. “Is playing doctor normal or exploitative?” is a frequent question from parents. The generalized stages listed are normal stages for children to pass through, and they outline patterns or normal curiosity and behavior. It should be emphasized that sexual abuse may be committed by a person under the age of 18 if he or she is significantly older than the victim or is in a position of power or control over the child.
Approximate Age Group Common Behaviors
2 ½ years Child shows interest in different postures of boys and
girls when urinating and is interested in physical
differences between the sexes.
3 years Verbally expresses interest in physical differences
between sexes and in different postures of urinating.
Girls attempt to urinate standing up.
4 years Extremely conscious of the navel. Under social
stress, may grasp genitals and may need to urinate.
May play the game of “show.” Also verbally
Expressive about elimination. Interested in other People’s bathrooms.
May demand privacy for self
But be extremely interested in bathroom activity of
Others.
5 years Familiar with, but not too much interested in,
differences between sexes. Less sex play and games
of “show.” More modest, less exposing of self. Less
bathroom play and less interested in unfamiliar
bathrooms.
6 years Marked awareness of and interest in differences
between sexes in body structure. Questioning.
Mutual investigation by both sexes reveals practical
Answers to questions about sex differences. Mild sex
Play or exhibitionism in play or in school toilets.
Game of “show.” May play hospital and take rectal
Temperature. Giggling, calling names or remarks
Involving words dealing with elimination functions.
Some children are subjected to sex play by older
Children: the age and power differences between the
Children are critical in defining this as normal sex
Play or exploitation.
7 years Less interest in sex. Some mutual exploration,
experimentation and sex play, but less than earlier.
8 years Interest in sex rather high, though sex exploration
and play is less common than at six. Interest in
peeping, smutty jokes, provocative giggling.
Children whisper, write or spell “elimination” or
“sex” words.
9 years May talk about sex information with friends of
same
sex. Interest in details of own organs and functions.
Seeks out pictures in books. Sex swearing, sex
Poems begin.
10 years Considerable interest in “smutty”
jokes.
